Do you wait for your kids to communicate with you? Do you pursue them only when they pursue you? Does this make a difference with the age of your child? When a child is no longer a " child " does the parent stop pursuing them and start treating the relationship as a "two way street?"
This is heavy on my heart today.
I must admit I don't pursue my parents. I don't call them or text them or email them. Yet I would really like for them to pursue me. I would love for them to once put their stuff to the side and pursue me. I stopped pursuing them because early on in my life I started believing some lies.
As I child I constantly tried to get their attention. I constantly pursued them to only be told to wait for a commercial. Or "not now." As I grew up I tried less and less and got use to excuse after excuse.
Excuses that for a little kid really just translated into: I am annoying, I am too much, no one cares, I am not seen, or not heard....(gulp) not wanted...(big horrible snotty cry entered here) not loved.
Even into early adult hood I would call only to receive voice mail or to be told "now is not a good time" or my personal favorite "we will talk later.."
Later never did come.
Then fast forward to the last few years...I was so tired of chasing after their love to be constantly rejected or hurt or pushed to the side that I just stopped chasing.
I came to a point in my life when I decided I would no longer pursue their love, chase their attention. I prayed for Him to get their attention or change their heart; instead of them changing: He changed me.
I have prayed for my heart to have boundaries and healing. I wish I could say my relationship with my parents is all better and they were pursuing me; but I can't. However, I can say I am a better parent because of it all.
I believe in a child/parent relationship the parent is suppose to pursue the heart of their child regardless of their age. Period. I believe it is a job that never ends. God is our father and we never stop needing him. God doesn't one day wake up and say well she is all grown up now; my job is done.
So why do parents not follow his example?
Isn't our father; our God (the best example of a father) constantly chasing us? Pursuing us? Loving us? He never gives up on us; even when we don't pursue him back.
He sets the example for all parents. He is never done and He will constantly be in a role that is pursuing. We are his child. He is pursuing our hearts and He always will be.
I think as a parent now I see things differently, too. I have wounds that run deep and sometimes still creep up in my life.There is something about because my parents didn't pursue me and still don't pursue that I believe others will reject me and not love me either. A stupid lie but based on how I was treated it seemed right.
Stick with me here- this is not a pity party- I promise this is not a victim post.... This is the fat lady singing grand finale type post.....a post in hope tht parents will stop putting their kids on the back burner.
See my parents seem to think it is a two way street. They keep waiting for me but the problem is I am no longer waiting for them. I am no longer waiting for them to pick me, choose me, or pursue me.
I was a child who finally found His perfect love waiting right there all along.
So while God has been working on me I noticed I am pursuing my own kids more. I am not waiting for my son to talk to me first. I am not waiting for my show to end so my daughter can show me her dance.
I am starting a new legacy. Loving them intently with my choice to pursue them. I am chasing my kids. I am communicating with them. I have realized it is never too late to pursue your kids. It is never too late to change. God showed me how to pursue and to stop waiting to be pursued.
I don't always get it right but oh how I keep trying. I want them to feel seen, heard and loved. I want them to know I am their biggest fan. I make time for them to show my their Lego creations and I hope that in years from now because I listened now and I showed them that I cared now that they keep bringing me their hearts.
However if they don't or one day stop- I won't wait for them. I will pick up that phone. I will text or call or email or visit. No matter the distance or time or how much I might need to sacrifice - I will pursue. I will chase.
I won't let the enemy say to my heart it is a two way street. Because reality is this: it probably is a two way street but you (the parent) have to build that road and it is never too late to start. Your child may never use the road. However don't stop pursuing regardless of age or attitude or distance or problems.
I pray I will remember how much God chased me and how he never stopped. I pray I will remember how he never asked me to wait when I needed to cry or share. I pray I remember I was never too much for Him. I pray I remember all these times I thought no one saw me or cared that I know the truth.
Oh thank God for pursuing me even when I was so ugly towards you.
I will pursue my children for as long as I am alive. Just as he did for me. I will keep
building that two way road for them in the mean time, but if they never use it- if they never pursue me- I will purse them.
My job as a parent will not stop.They will always be my child just as I am his...