I am still striving to earn my keep. Striving to earn some kind of recognizition.
I am still striving to feel worthy. Striving is all my heart knows to do. Something in my mind and hearts feels natural for me to do.
Most days I feel like I don't fit in, or don't belong. Some days I feel like I could fit in. I could belong. Only if I try harder. Work harder. Do more.
Other days I feel like all I do is take up valuable space, easy valuable air that someone else needs to breath. Nothing I do or try to do will ever matter.
But in those moments.... Those moments my father shows up. He says it's okay to just breath air.
You don't have to do anything. Breathing is all you need to do.
He sees me. He hears me. He knows my worth. He has never asked me to strive.
In the next few weeks I am starting a new journey. A new season of trust. Walking away from striving. Walking away from trying to be seen for who I am, or what I am worth or what I can do.
It is going to hurt. It is going to be painful and hard for me.
I need to do things. I like to do things. However, I feel though it is time. Time to stop striving for the world.
I have to trust him and walk in a direction that is foreign to me. A direction in not doing a thing.
No more striving. I don't need to strive. I am worthy and He has plans for me. He doesn't need me to prove a thing.
The end and the beginning.