Christmas 2002 I found out I was pregnant. I was 20 years old at the time and decided to have an abortion.
After that year Christmas always left me in pain. I never thought I would ever be able to enjoy another Christmas. However, today I can tell you that was a lie from Satan.
I am forgiven and set free. I always had been loved and forgiven; He was just waiting for me to ask and allow Him to set me free.
That is when I started dreaming about them again.
Every time I dream about my girl and boy in heaven I see them swinging from trees. I see them dancing under the shade of a tree. When I see them a tree is always included.
So when I took the abortion freedom class I wrote a letter to them and cut the letter into a shape of tree. I put my heart, their hearts and God's heart in the image. Simple. Beautiful. I can feel them with me.
I see this every morning and every night. It is right next to my bed. However I wanted to do more and celebrate them.
Last year I finally shared my story with friends, family and posted my testimony here.I decided then to celebrate them every year at Christmas time.
First it starts with a live Christmas tree. Last year was my first time in my life having a real tree and I just feel in love with it. See my babies are alive and this was a beautiful way to have them with me.
So the details on this tree is all for them. To celebrate them. To celebrate God for the beauty he has made and is making from the ashes. To celebrate life.
Here is the tree:
Now the colors are white, silver and turquoise.
The white is of course symbolic to being washed from sins. Cleansed. Pure.
Silver is for many things- beauty for ashes, to shine (or be a light to others) with my testimony. Glory to glory. Treasures in heaven.
The turquoise is for them (the babies) being unique. Turquoise is a gem; valuable and unique. I was also once told that turquoise in some cultures mean victory. This is them. They have victory! What the enemy intended for evil will be used for good.
There is also diamonds on the tree to show the twins and their sparkle.
I have two birdcages one with a pink gem and one with a silver gem to symbolize a boy and a girl.
I have snowflakes in the tree for added beauty.
Also, the tree skirt that has birds on it. Two birds are the same and one bird is different. I thought this alone was symbolic! Twins! Two identical birds flying free.
I also have hearts and crosses on the tree. My babies are part of me. My heart longs for the day to see them. My heart never wants to forget them. My heart is restored and redeemed.
So why am I sharing this with you? I felt like maybe there was someone out there that needed permission to do the same.
Do a tree or art or something lovely in your home to remind you of your loved ones that aren't here anymore. Maybe you have babies that never even took a breath here on earth, but that doesn't mean you can't celebrate them every day.
Maybe you haven't received freedom or forgiveness from a past abortion, I believe that you can make this Christmas the year to do it.
Freedom....What a great gift to give yourself.....
So many times a person who had an abortion feel like they can't celebrate the babies life or have a memorial service.... Or receive forgiveness- this is all a lie. Ask God to show you what he wants for you. Forgiveness, love, grace and mercy is from him.... Shame and guilt is not.
Maybe having some thing in your home will give you and others some life back into everyday life or even a holiday.....
Maybe you didn't have an abortion but holidays are tough because of a lost loved one, divorce, or miscarriage.... I don't know but what I do know is you have a choice. Ask God for the healing to begin today. Ask for a way to find unspeakable joy even in the pain.
I want everyone of my friends to experience freedom from their past. I want life to be celebrated regardless of the circumstance.
Will you do that for me today?