I don't really know where to begin. How far back should one go when telling her messy awful story? How does one tell her story without hurting others or does she lie to protect others? What details matter? She wonders if she even puts it out there will anyone care.....Maybe the details are not what is important.
You go to church for community and to have relationships. You go to church to be real and authentic. You go to church to be with others who will build you up and go to war with you. You go to church to fight with others and to bring others in. You go to church to be healed. You go to church to learn all about him and how to bring others to your "team". You go to church to encourage and be encouraged.
This has not been her experience.
Instead, she now walks with church wounds. She understands why people don't go to church or why they could hate those who are Christians, or worse hate God cause of these "godly" people.
"I wonder who hates me so much", she sends a text to a friend. The reply back: "I know who...." Shocked she quickly text: "Who?" The text back. "The enemy."
See this is truth. Any movement towards freedom and the enemy wages war. Any movement. Shouldn't the people in the church be well aware of this? Shouldn't the people in the church be the last place you experience the war? Many people would argue the war is probably worse here.
I know I know- those church folks are people too. They are human; they are sinners too...Forgive them. Give them grace. Pray for them. All the Christian lovely things that we tend to say when good people mess up. We should do these things! I know I am not perfect. I NEED lots of grace and forgiveness, but I also need accountablity.
Accountability is crucial. We all need it for our actions, and our words.
Is there a good way to hold people accountable? Is there a good way to look in the mirror and realize that a title or position or Christian label does not give you permission to hurt others? Can we all agree that just because you are Christian does not give you the right to say or do certain things?
What is the right way that we can love each other even in the midst of a conflict? Of course we all think we know "the right" way of handling a situation or person.... May I dare say there is not a right way...a formula... But that only the holy spirit can lead the way...every time or situation may be different.... He knows their heart so he knows the perfect way to handle everything.
He clearly tells us how we should treat people. Love never fails. He clearly tells us to love and not to show favoritism. He clearly tells us how to take the speck out of your own eye before another. He will walk each and every one of us through a situation....any situation.
Please know that giving people grace and forgiveness is in the bible, I am not disputing that. The bible has other good valuable info in there as well.
Love never fails.
Weeping with others....
Love never fails.....
Mercy triumphs over judgement.....
Love never fails......
So where does this leave our girl in this story?
She has forgiven them. She has given them grace. She got more hurt. She is left with shame. Her husband is angry. Her family endured a lot. She is not the same person. She still loves. She still love the ones who hurt her.
Wounded but stronger. Grieving but understanding.
They never gave up on Him. They never gave up on Him is the important point in this blog. They will never give up.
Apologizes from others have been made over an over again..... It doesn't seem to heal the wounds. He will though.
She feel as though she was stoned. Thrown out. Ushered out the back without even so much as a second thought. The lies continue to smear her name. The enemy beats her up daily because the words and actions of others.
There must be something wrong with you. If you were loved this would not be happening. If it was not your fault like everyone says then why is no one fixing the problem. If you are lovely and precious then why does this happen everywhere you go. You are a problem. You are The problem. You are a failure. You ruin everything. This is your fault. You are mistake. Your whole family is suffering cause you just wouldn't be normal. The enemy has beat her up and down for all that has happened. All that has been said. Words upon words of assault.
See the place she went to when she needed it most hurt her, but it did bring her back to God.
In the end that is all that matters.
He is what and who she truly needed.
God has been so faithful during this trial. He is holding her up. Teaching her good things about people and teaching her how to endure. Teaching how he does a deep work in the heart, allowing her to see things differently - even though it hurts.
The heart is still grieving, dreams and desires feels impossible at the moment.
She will have to believe this feeling is a lie.
She knows, however, after all that has happened- it just adds to her ashes to beauty life story.
She knows what was meant to harm her He will use for good.
She can sing the song Holy by Nichole Nordeman and deep in her soul she knows it is true.."what was meant to fulfill me only emptied me; still all you ever wanted - was me on my knees singing holy- holy and somehow that is all that matters now is that you are holy......
All that matters now.... Is that you are holy....