So how did we get involved in this church? When we first start attending this church, we picked a small church by our house to meet local people and have some friends. We had moved to Texas almost a year prior and we were lonely. Lonely is putting it mildly. We were lost. We needed friends. We needed to be saved.
We thought for sure attending this small church by our house we would meet people and not be lonely. We wanted people in our neighborhood. We wanted to meet people with kids so our son would have some friends to grow up with. This little church would do that, it would save us!
Little did I know, God was after us. He was after our hearts and a true relationship. Years of healing were about to begin.
Our first time ever at this church walls came down. The pastor got on stage to announce the video message we were about to watch and in that moment I swear my hubby and I were the only two in the room. That pastor looked right at us. He never took his eyes off us and said "Sometimes God makes you move (check), He makes you leave friends and families (check, check), He takes you to a lonely place (check), He brings you to a place in your life when all you can do is look down (at this point I am scared...check) So you can look up! So you will meet your creator. So you can meet God, He had take away everything else so you would see he is everything".
We hadn't stopped attending since that day. This small church was of course part of this large mega church.
After 5 years of attending I know many people and I don't feel like I get lost in the crowd. I always see a familiar face, and always get a hug or two. So I know to others it seems huge and like they are just another number, but for me I can always find a face I recognize. However this didn't happen over night and I got involved. I got plugged in.
I have taken more classes than I care to admit. I serve in a lot of different places and still not sure exactly where I am suppose to serve. I enjoy them all. I find myself there 5 days a week. I worked there, volunteered there and have met people through all these different avenues. During this time I have had wonderful life changing moments and I have had some moments that have been down right yucky. There has been a lot of forgiveness, grace and growth.
Through it all though, I have always sensed that this church was not where we would be forever. I had mention to my hubby several times that I felt this was just the beginning of something bigger. Being trained for somewhere else. However, most days my insecurities, lack of self confidence and self acceptance I could quickly dismiss that feeling or thought. I know others have said I am called or that God has big plans for me, but most days I just ask God to stop the pain. Most days I just want the heaviness and pressure to leave...so right now I am at the church only cause it is familiar and comfortable. I am not ready to go anywhere else.
However He reminds daily how in January He told me "to get comfortable with being uncomfortable" and I have in many areas, but I still had not made any huge big leaps or changes.
In January, we felt the urge to try some other churches just to go see what was out there. Honestly we didn't try very hard and we stayed where we were at. This time we got a little more involved. We still had moments we wondered if this is where He wanted us. At one ime
it was where He had brought us, and now I couldn't tell anymore.. This small church had been where we stopped looking for that "more to life than this" dream....
Where we are now and who we are now is all because of God. I clearly see how He way back when "tricked" us to come to this small church by our house only so He could unlock our little heart and small mind. He unlocked the little worldly me. He gave us more than just friends that we were seeking.... He saved us. He unlocked us from thinking small and trained us to think big! He did that. He may have worked through the church but He did that and would continue to that wherever He takes us!
So in the last few weeks I have been reminded of all that He has done in the last 5 years. The healing. The speaking. The discipline. The words. The people He has placed in my life. I am a work in progress. Not perfect or finished, but have been changing. I am no longer hiding on the back or afraid to say the things He wants me to say. I am in each day learning to care more about who He says I am and less about who others say I am.
The last few weeks He has been calling me out on the water... on a new journey. Most of the time I am wanting to look down and instead He reminds me to look up. To remember how far I have come. To trust Him.
We have started (again) on the journey of trying some new churches. Finding a new church is hard. When I walk into a new church I feel as though I am cheating on my church. I tend to give myself a pep talk in the parking lot just to help me get out of the car. I am trying to not get angry and to go with an open mind and heart. To try not to compare it.
I am not sure where this journey is taking us. He never seems to tell you the end result of the journey. Probably because I may run if he did. Run either from it or run ahead and miss what He has for me.
I don't know if this leads us to a new church home or just to try others cause He is teaching us something. Maybe its both.
With God leading us and tears in my eyes we go. I will update along the way.