Anyone who knows me, knows where to find me during the summer. I am located by the wave pool at our local waterpark at 10 in the morning until about 2pm. Somedays I am there until closing. This started about six summers ago and started as a hiding place for mom.
I am not sure where to begin with this story. In December 2006, we moved to Texas one week before Christmas. We moved here with no friends or family and experienced our first Christmas in Texas alone. Our first New Years in Texas, you guessed it, alone. By May, I was more than a little home sick and was looking for a way to enjoy our new home!
I was working at the time from January to May at a restaurant and hadn't made any friends. Most co-workers did not have kids or were still in the party stage. Honestly, I wanted to join them but did know anyone to watch the kiddo and lack of funds kept me at home. Which looking back was the BEST thing for my son and I. I was so lonely but going back to a party life would have not have been a good answer.
In Mid April, I even tried a mother's play group at a local park that I read about online. You know one of those sites that is almost like a dating website except for moms who are looking for other moms? Yes I just compared a mom's play group website to a dating website. I emailed a lady and she told me the details and said she couldn't wait to meet my son and I.
I showed up to the play group in a ball cap, work out clothes and no makeup! I was just so excited and showed up in my true form! Oh how I wish I received the memo on dressing nice for the park. Anyways, I marched right up to the designated meet up spot, which was hard to do by the way. There were about 11 moms there all looking gorgeous and my confidence was a little shaken but instead of turning and running I continue to walk up to them. I so desperately wanted and needed some friends. I said hello and introduced myself. Only one lady actually looked at me and said hi back. She didn't even say her name. I still wonder if it had been the one I had emailed. I sat down and this is where it gets a little weird. No one spoke or looked at me. About two minutes maybe five minutes later one lady stood and said "well change of plans who is coming to my house?" and with that they all got up and left. No one said good bye or invited me. I think I stayed on the park bench for about an hour and cried.
I wonder if I had dressed differently would we had been friends? A bunch of lies entered my head and heart that day. I believe to this day I am so intimated by Texan women. It took years for me to revisit that park. Even now in the midst of bad news I am brought back to feeling like such a failure that day.
So in May, I heard about the water park and my heart lifted! We had a water park where I had moved from and it was a lot of fun! I had never been with a kiddo but when I went there with my friends kids were always there. I figured I had to go there. So my boyfriend (now hubby) came home and that night we went and bought a season pass. I think he knew and was willing to do anything to keep me and his son in Texas.
My son and I went everyday. He was my best friend. He was what kept me going. We played and played in that water. Funny how the bible talks about living water, and really that summer water is what kept me living. God was providing a healing safe place.
We stayed for hours. The lazy river and wave pool seemed to cure my broken heart. My son and I went everyday. Day after day I got out of bed. I would stay there until about 3 and my boyfriend (now hubby) would meet me there and I would go to work. He would stay with the boy and played for hours, too. I believe it was a life saver for our relationship, for him and for me. That summer came to end but now I had something to look forward to. It gave me a glimpse of joy and peace. Waterpark season. It was a long year but my heart ached for the sun and water.
The next summer I got a "real" job. But as soon as I got off work you would find us at the water park. Every night and every weekend. I never made friends at the water park. I kept to myself and just got use to hiding there. Hiding from my feelings. Hiding from others. Hiding from reality. Hiding from myself. The water and sun kept me from completely giving up.
The summer after, I was pregnant with my daughter and I was put on bed rest. I was worried about it ruining our summer at the waterpark! Seriously. So Memorial Day I was hospitalized and I cried. No waterpark? I couldn't accept it. I was not good with following orders, either. I would still take my pregnant sick body to the water park. My son and I would float and laugh and enjoy the day. Still very much alone. The water once again kept me sane. It kept my daughter in my belly. I know God kept us safe and took me to the water daily. He was still providing healing. A safe place. A fun place.
After failed friendships, still feeling so alone, a job that was about to end, a new life joining our family and financial concerns the waterpark became my beacon of hope. I daily went and allowed the water to wash away the ugly darkness that kept trying to take me. He started talking to me that summer. I was having dreams and heard words that I hadn't heard since high school. I was believing in Him again.
My daughter came that summer. My son and I were dressed and ready to head to the park but instead the doctor took us to labor and delivery. We left the hospital went to a job interview for me and then headed to the water park. Yea, a job interview. She was four days old but this mommy needed to see the water. Apparently my daughter did too. She was so calm and peaceful. Cleared the jaundice up too.
The summer came to an end and once again this mommy counted down until the next summer.
So here I am with my son who will be 8 in June and almost four year old and still going to the water park. It's a joke to many friends, but the water park literally became a beacon of hope and living waters for me when I needed it most. The sun kept darkness away. The waters washed away a lot of brokenness. God continued to pursue me and speak to me. He knew exactly want I needed and provided it. A lot had happened in four years. A lot of healing and a lot of heart change but without the waterpark I honestly don't know where I would be today.
Even as the water park opened this year there are still parts of me walking out healing, some parts are so much better and I find myself not feeling alone or rejected like years before.
The water park feels more like a vacation home this summer and less like I am hiding there. I look forward to going and will continue to go. However with a new attitude of my hope is in Him. He is my beacon of hope, my living waters and my light. I am still so grateful for the time spent in my favorite hiding place but as of today He is my hiding place.