I should write. Write a book. Write this blog or that blog. Write...write...write.
My heart wants to write. A million times a day I want to write. I can have a whole book in my head downloaded at any given moment but then I sit down to write and ..........
Yep. That is no typo. That is a big fat period. As in nothing comes. All the great thoughts that once were there are gone. I can't remember. Some fancy people call it writers block. Not sure I have writers block but I do know its sad, it's annoying, but it's the crazy season that I am in.
See I convinced that God is speaking to me and is making sure I am listening but it is not my season to act. It's not time. Its not my time. He is putting these thoughts and desires in my head and heart and confirms that it will happen. He also confirms it will happen on his time, not mine and definitely not the worlds. I can sit down to write and the thoughts go away cause its not the right time.
I am in a crazy season right now. Praying for a job. Praying for a church and for other churches. Keeping up with summer activities for two kids, trying to help a husband who is training for a 100 mile bike ride in 100 degree weather and the list goes on. Ah, but even right there I realized I left out the most important detail of this season in my life. I am resting.
What?! Yes I said it- I am resting. My list may not seem like rest or look like rest or sound like rest, but I am resting. He asked me in May to climb into a hammock and rest.
I laughed at the picture he gave me. A hammock?! What?! I have two kids. Bam! Right then and there he shows me; my kids are right there playing in safe distance and are happy. He is watching them.
Lord?! Still doubting... what about my husband?! Bam! Husband is there mowing the yard. Smiling and at peace.
I couldn't get in the hammock. I wasn't ready. I felt it was crazy that he was calling me into a season of rest when so much needed to be done. So, naturally, I started asking questions and started analyzing.
God a hammock?! Really?!
Hammocks are tricky. Have you tried to get into a hammock?! You can be flipped. You have to have balance and coordination. Slow and steady! I am anything but slow and steady.
He starts reminding me of a few things.
Have you noticed though that once your in how comfortable it is?! How it feels like you are floating? How you can feel a breeze and you lightly sway?! Can you just picture the sun and the ocean or the nice shade from the tree? Have you noticed once you are in the hammock you realize how easy it actually was to get in? You realize that you have this fear of falling or flipping out of it but its just a crazy feeling. A crazy feeling. A lie. You don't really flip out or fall out; reality is you actually relax and you find comfort in this crazy thing. You trust this crazy weaved string thing tied to a tree to hold you. You rest because you trust the trees to hold you up.
God was calling me into a season of rest. Why was I fighting it?! So I gave in. It took a few tries but I eventually got in the hammock. Yes if course this is all a vision and you probably are shaking your head at me. Rest?! Did you see that crazy list up there?! You are not resting.
However my rest may not look like your rest. My resting has actually been different. It is a season of resting completely in Him. Trusting. Learning. Listening. Healing. Seeking. This season of resting is so I learn to live in this continual state of rest and trust. Every day. Every season. That was-is his ultimate goal.
Trust Me, Rest, Let me take over.
He was calling me to this season because reality is I didn't trust Him. I could hear him. I believed the bible. I believed in Him. But I still lacked trust that all would turn out okay. He was wanting me to sit in a hammock. To trust him. To rest in him. To rest = trust, I just felt like this was what he was saying to me. I needed to stop trying. To stop planning. To stop and listen and to relax. That He was needing my heart and body to sit down in the hammock and let him sing to me. Swing me. Defend me. Protect me. That He called me to a season of rest because my attention was being taken away from the only one who could truly give me all of what I needed.
The season of crazy rest has been good. I have not cleaned every day. Laundry has not always been caught up. Dinner has been eggs a few dozen times. Popcorn has been given for breakfast. Yes, popcorn- it's my ghetto version of corn pops. My kids have been more than fine. My daughter and son may have needed a little rest from crazy busy mommy too. My hubby is doing great. He needed his wife to relax and rest. He was stressed cause I was stressed. My house has not fallen apart because it has not been dusted or cleaned everyday. I have been blessed with an opportunity to relax pool side EVERY time I have gone to the water park. I have been able to sit at Starbucks for a few hours...alone... Several different times. I have been blessed with time to build relationships. Relationships with friends I want to have, with my kids and my husband. Most of all with my Heavenly Father. I also have been able to read my bible for more than a few minutes here and there but for hours! I have been given time to hear him clearly speak to me about many things and sit quietly on these words. Not rush through them and forget them. I have been given an opportunity to stop the busyness that actually takes away my focus and attention from Him. It is awesome to see him move mountains. It is awesome to be able to say rest is needed and what he wants us to do. There have been days I have wanted to climb out of the hammock, and of course he lets me but every time I do- boy it is not long before I am curling back up... Waiting for the gentle breeze and slight sway of the hammock. I am seeking healing and freedom like never before. I am starting to trust him. Trust is a beautiful thing. How did I make it this long without it?!
I don't know where you are at today. But it seems to me many of us are distracted by this imaginary to do list when reality is he is probably only calling you to rest...or maybe just trust. It may seem unimaginable with young kids, or your job or whatever but it is possible if He is asking you to do it. So what are you waiting for? Get in the hammock!