This morning while brushing my teeth my daughter comes into the bathroom and a very serious concern voice she ask "do you like me!?".
Before I can even turn and look at her my heart is broken and find my self flooded with emotions. My own heart has been asking the same question.
I turned, looked at her and in with all the strength I had, I said with boldness and confidence I shouted "Yes! Of course I like you!" I begin to tell her how much I adored her and her pure awesomeness. Of course I like her! I love her!
She looked at me and with all seriousness said "silly mommy! Do you like my dress?!" Enter dramatic sigh here too!
She, simply in her three year old vocabulary, had just asked me a question in the only way she knew how. I, in my complicated messy almost 31 heart, heard the question that my heart was asking too.
I have a had a messy few days. I will be 31 next week and I am still mulling over something that was said or not said. Things I did or didn't do. This feeling like I ruin everything keeps coming to my mind.
I am fully aware that I am forgiven. Will be defended. He will restore. Justice and truth will win. Yet the feelings won't go away. I know the truth in my head but the heart is still grieving. My heart takes a few days to catch up.
This unsettling injustice has been affecting the whole family. We are all at lost on what to do next. Sometimes the best thing to do in times like this is just rest. So resting is what we are doing and in the resting I keep bringing some questions to the table.
Do you like me? Is the big one. Hearing my three year old day it out loud makes it ring even louder in my own head.
In all honesty how many of us remember writing that question down on a piece of paper and passing it to the kid next to us when we were younger? We always wanted the answer to that question to be yes, but when the answer wasn't not yes what was your reaction?
Hurt? Anger? Rejection? Disbelief? Or did you shrug it off and not care? Did you just rewrite it and send it to someone else? Or maybe you were never brave enough to ask that question?
I believe I was that girl. I was never brave enough to ask that question. I think I already assumed the answer to that question was a big fat no and so why even ask. I, of course, did not really know the answer and maybe the answer would have been yes but it didn't matter. I was never brave enough to ask. I think somewhere in my life I had asked myself that question and wrote to the side maybe and circled that as my answer. Until lately.
Self acceptance.... Ah yes a big one. Do you like me sorta starts with you. Do you like you? Are you brave enough to ask yourself that? I would guess most of us would say yes and some would say no. Many of us are walking around asking others if they like us when we should start by asking ourselves.
Many of us are waiting for others to speak life into us and we are counting on their friendship, their love, their words to fills us up; when reality is they will never be able to fill you up. Their time, their words, their love, and their efforts will never be able to fully answer the question do you like me. It will never be enough. Your heart will daily will want to know.
Do you like me can only be answered by the one who made you. When you truly hear it from Him then and only then when you stop asking others.
You can also bet on that He not only likes you but He loves you! HE LOVES YOU WITH ALL HIS HEART AND HIS LOVE IS TRULY UNCONDITIONAL.
Now I know some of you may read that and not understand that or think oh there is that "He loves me" talk again. Trust me I know I use to think that too!
I use to read He loves you or hear someone preach He loves you and yet it never made sense to me. I always judged His love by the way others loved me. I based His love from the way my mom loved me. The way my dad, my sister, my family, my friends, my boyfriend etc etc. I was comparing His love based on my experiences with love and I was so wrong! Their love is not the same.
He made me! He made you! He knew me before anyone else did! He knew you before anyone else did! He knew everything about you before you ever took your first breath!
His love is not like anyone else's love. As soon as you realize and stop comparing His love to the love you have experienced from that person or this person; then and only then will you fully receive and feel His love just for you.
So when you fully are able to say, hear and read He loves you with no comparison, it will then help you bring some big questions to the the table.
Big questions. Like do you like you? Yep there you have it again. Do you like me begins with self acceptance. It all begins with you asking yourself do you like you? What is stopping you?
Self hate? Self forgiveness? See I am marking off the maybe. Erasing something I mentally wrote years ago. The maybe is no longer an acceptable answer.
Completely erasing it and brave enough to ask myself do you like me? And I am going to circle the big fat yes. I do like me. I am going to be brave and ask myself and stop asking others. Since He loves me, I need to love myself. I need to quit believing that I am a mistake.
God does not make mistakes. Not liking yourself is almost like telling your creator that you are a mistake. It is like telling Him umm excuse me what were you thinking?!
Self acceptance is where it all starts. Self acceptance is being able to take your heart and mind to your heavenly father, your creator and saying I know you not only like me, you love me. I know that you do not make mistakes. I will accept myself the way you made me and FORGIVE myself from the years of self hate. I will no longer believe that I ruin everything. I will no longer walk around asking others to tell me if they like me or not. I will ask the only one who is able to answer that question fully.
And His answers is always yes. Hearing His yes and your yes together will change your heart. Having a heart change is pretty awesome. Will you today ask yourself the important question Do you like me?! Will you today check the box YES!?
His love never fails,
never gives up,
never runs out on me....
❤KGB